What If You Don’t Like the Music at Church?

Here is how I look at music in church: churches are like restaurants, and worship music is like the food they serve. No matter what kind of food your restaurant serves, there will always be someone who doesn’t like it. The problem is that you have to choose something–you can’t satisfy every taste (unless you offer multiple services with different styles).

What happens if you’re a mature Christian who loves your church and wants to support your pastor, but you dislike the music?  I have a good friend who hates Chinese food, and I know that if we went to a Chinese place for lunch, he would not enjoy it. What do you do when you’re the person who doesn’t like Chinese food? Here are a few questions for those who want to support their church and would like to deal with this issue in a positive, godly way. (These would apply in a range of situations, whether your church uses a traditional hymn-based style or more modern music.)

1. Have you pinpointed the real issue? What specifically is making you unhappy? Are the songs hard to learn? Is the volume too loud? Is it not led effectively? Is the focus on performance rather than participation? These are all different issues, and the problem may not necessarily be with the songs or the style.
2. Have you worked at resolving any conflict with the pastor or worship leader? Unresolved personal conflict will negatively affect your worship. (See Matthew 5.21-26.) Follow the pattern of Matthew 18 and do your part to resolve any lingering conflict.
3. Have you prayed for the pastor and worship leader, and your feelings about the music? This will (or should) soften your heart and help put your feelings in proper perspective.
4. Have you focused on the positive? There are many things to appreciate about every style of music. It may not be your cup of tea, but chances are that it’s ministering to others who do enjoy it.
5. Have you thought about the meaning of the lyrics? Music is simply a vehicle for the words; the meaning and theology of the lyrics is more important than the style. Many old songs as well as new ones have great lyrics that contain good, biblical truth.
6. Have you made an effort to appreciate something new and unfamiliar? Give it a chance and you will probably find something worthwhile. You may need to expand your horizons. (These days I find that a lot of younger people need to expand their horizons and learn to appreciate the hymns of past generations.)
7. Have you been worshiping throughout the week? If you are not spending time with God in your own personal worship during the week, your tendency is to put all your “worship eggs” in the Sunday morning basket. A 20-minute worship set on Sunday morning cannot fill your worship need for an entire week. It’s unfair to put that pressure on any worship leader or pastor, no matter what style they’re leading. If you only eat once a week, that meal will not satisfy you no matter how well it is prepared.
8. Have you shown encouragement and appreciation to the worship leader? You wouldn’t finish a meal in someone’s home without saying “thank you,” would you? Yet this happens all the time in the church. Week after week the worship leader and pastor work hard to prepare a great spiritual meal, and people sometimes go years without expressing any kind of appreciation. That is not only sad, it’s wrong.
9. Have you asked how you can contribute? If you don’t like the worship style, make yourself available to the worship leader. You may be the right person to bring something unique to the worship planning table. It’s easy to sit back and criticize, but much harder to step up and make a difference.
10. Have you remembered the real purpose of worship? Remember that worship is not just about one person, but about the gathered community of Christians praising God. In the vast scheme of priorities in worship, my preferences are not at the top of the list. Remember Paul’s words in Philippians 2.3-4: “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
11. Talk to the pastor or worship leader about any legitimate concerns. If you have gone through all of these suggestions, but you still have real issues, talk to a church leader in spirit of humility and love. Then after raising your concerns, ask how you can help.
12. Decide what you can live with. After you have done all of these things, you must decide whether you can live with the music your church uses. My guess is that very few people leave a church based solely on the music style. There will almost always be other issues involved. In nearly every case, I would bet the music is something you can live with and learn to appreciate… no matter what it is.

Questions: What suggestions would you give to someone who doesn’t like the music at their church? How have you learned to appreciate music styles you did not enjoy in the past?