Reflections on My 36th Birthday

Today I turn 36 years old. To some reading this, I am still a young pup. To others, I’m an old geezer. But to me, I’m just where I’m supposed to be. I’m sort of a reflective person, so I wanted to share a few thoughts that best express where I am in my journey through life. These are in no certain order.

I am more aware of mortality. Not just mine, but of my parents’, friends, relatives and many others. The fact that we will all die eventually isn’t just a concept; it’s a concrete reality. It is hard to see people you love getting older, and sometimes getting sick.

I miss my childhood more. Lately I have been thinking about my childhood home a lot more, and watching home movies. I am very thankful for where and how I grew up, and I’m sad that I will never be able to return there. Sometimes when I go to bed I close my eyes and mentally walk through our old house, our yard and the woods I enjoyed as a kid.

I am less impressed with titles and positions. One of my most influential profs in college was a man we all called by his first name, and I have adopted that practice (at least with students who are comfortable with it). I feel that your influence comes from loving and helping people, and being a good teacher, not from some title or position you hold. At the same time, being a “Professor” does come in handy sometimes.

I am more convinced that attitude and character are what matter most. Students are usually concerned with getting good grades, but what matters more in ministry and life is having integrity, a good attitude and a servant’s heart. I am thankful that at our school we have some built-in ways to emphasize these qualities as well as academics.

I have fewer convictions, but the ones I do have are more firm. I still have opinions about lots of things, but getting older (and hopefully a little wiser) has helped me sort the essential from the non-essential issues. Part of being a mature person is knowing what issues you will die for, and which you can let go.

I am more family-oriented. Back in my 20′s I was a real workaholic and wanted to please everyone. These days, my greatest joy is being at home with my family. (If we can all be together at Steak-n-Shake, so much the better!)

I am more aware of my need for physical health. I pretty much ignored my health until 2-3 years ago, when my wife started to lose a dramatic amount of weight and get healthy. I’m not as disciplined as she is, but I am much more aware of how exercise and diet play a huge role in every area of life.

I am more aware of my strengths and limitations. One of the best things you can do in life is find out what you don’t like doing. At this point, I have a pretty good idea of what I don’t like doing or teaching, where I fit best, and what I’m good at. It is a real blessing to have an opportunity come before you and be able to say, “No, I don’t like doing that,” or “No, I’m not gifted in that area.”

I have a clearer sense of calling. Over the last few years my sense of calling from God has solidified. He has called me to teach/equip/encourage students, pastors and Christians in the areas of worship and the arts. It’s a good feeling to know that my current teaching/ministry position lines up pretty well with my gifts and sense of calling. I feel very blessed in this way. (For anyone struggling in this area, I highly recommend two older John Maxwell teaching messages, “When to Quit” and “When to Move in Leadership.” They are so helpful I would have paid $500 for these two hours of teaching, no kidding. I believe you can get them through Injoy.)

I receive my identity more from being a Christian, husband and Dad, and less from my job. Although I do feel called as I mentioned above, that is not my primary source of fulfillment in life. I will always be Jesus’ disciple, Ben’s Dad, and Melanie’s husband…but being a “Professor” is a temporary role God has given me to steward for a period of time. This is a radical shift from my 20′s, when I made the major mistake of finding my main identify in my role as a pastor and seminary student.

I appreciate my wife and son more. We have arguments and the normal stuff that happens in a family, but I treasure them more all the time. They are a huge gift from God in my life. I am incredibly impressed with my wife’s persistence in health and exercise, and her leadership at work. She’s also an amazing Mom. I am a better man because of her.

I appreciate my friends more. There have been people in my life who wanted to be friends, but for one reason or another I kept them at arm’s length. I guess as I get a little older I realize I should be thankful for any friends I can get! And I especially appreciate the ones who have been there for me in difficult times.

I am less judgmental. I used to look at others with a more judgmental eye–those who had been through hardships, couldn’t seem to pull it together, or in some way didn’t conform to my image of what a person, a leader or a Christian should be. But having been through a few hard knocks myself, I realize that most of us are just a few bad decisions away from utter ruin. “There but for the grace of God go I…”

I am more convinced of the truth of the Bible than ever. It’s not just because of knowing facts about the Bible, it’s  because I have seen the healing, transforming power of God in my own life. I have seen his supernatural hand at work time and again. I believe in the historical reliability of the Bible, but I also believe it from my own personal experience.

Questions: Do you resonate with any of these statements? Where are you on your journey through life?